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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Beowulf ond Godsylla

Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle, monstær lurccen;
Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork to steop outsyd.
Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak, byt his nose offe;
Wicced Godsylla wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus sæd, "Hwæt ðe helle?"
Graben sheold strang ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht ðe grimlic foe.
"Me," Godsylla sæd, "mac ðe minsemete."
Heoro cwyc geten heold wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen
Beowulf belly up to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, "Ne foe beaten mie færsom cung-fu."
Eorderen cocca-cohla yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.

Meanwhile, back at the Meade hall, a monster was lurking,
Full of too many drinks, he was looking for fight.
Then Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Askined awful jerk to step outside.
Thud! Bash! Crash! Boom! The big guy
His bone broke, bite his nose off;
Wicked Godzilla wailed on his ass.
Monster mopped the floor with all the men in hall.
Beowolf in backroom was making a phonecall;
He heard sound of ruccus said, "What the hell?"
Grabbing strong shield and sharp switch blade
Stand forth to fight the grim foe.
"Me," Godzilla said, "make the mincemeat."
Hero quick getttin' hold with famed half-nelson
And flying him like frisbee back to fen
Beowulf belly up to meadhall bar,
Said, "No foe has beaten my fearsome kung-fu."
Orderin' coca-cola ice cold, the real thing.

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